Those of you who know me best know that I have kept journals from the time I was 12. They line my master bedroom closet and are scattered other places in the house. Today I happened to be looking for something and came across this entry from eight years ago:
May 4, 2005: Is it crazy to think that maybe God is calling me into ministry? I look back to the beginnings of my Christian walk and I had a quiet time from the time I was 10! I got up at 4:30 in the morning as a junior higher to study God’s word. My goal in life was to be a missionary. Though my fanatic fervor calmed as I matured, and I made some decisions as a teenager that didn’t please God, I always had in my heart the yearning to seek & follow God. That desire has never left. In college I did my first Beth Moore study and told Matt – I would love to do what she does when I get older. Four years later I still have that desire. Whether it’s a month, a year, or a decade from now, I feel God may have a plan for my life in the discipleship ministry. I still will continue to seek him for my next steps.
Reading that today, eight years later, still nothing has changed, and I’m still waiting. But you know what, instead of being frustrated at the time that has passed, I’m encouraged. For one, I may not be the next Beth Moore, but I am teaching a Wednesday night class at church for women and I hope in some manner this blog is serving as a discipleship tool. I still hope I can reach more people through writing and teaching but for now reading this journal entry was an encouragement that He who began a good work in me will be faithful to complete it (Phil. 1:6). That verse also reminds me that it is HE who began this work. It’s not up to me to complete it. He will!
So, I want to encourage you. If you’re not where you always dreamed you’d be, take courage. Has God placed something on your heart over the course of your life, a stirring of sorts, that you can’t let go of? Just because it hasn’t transpired the way you thought it would, that doesn’t mean it won’t. Seek Him. “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4. When you seek Him, He may alter your desires, but that’s ok. When He evokes a desire in you that is for the glory of His kingdom, it’s far better that what you would have planned anyway.
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31